My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
