Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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