Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
