Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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