Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
