she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
