her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.