if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV