2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?