So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.