i can't believe i had my finger in that
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
