Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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