is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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