I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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