so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
