She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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