Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
