One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
