im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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