I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she peed on how many people?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
