i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
