it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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