I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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