Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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