I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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