They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
