i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
false alarm. still invincible.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
