I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
