I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
