How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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