My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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