I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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