somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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