Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
