Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
