I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is wine microwaveable?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
