Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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