He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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