My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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