You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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