weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
