this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
