He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
