..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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