I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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