Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
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Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
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Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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