the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
