my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
