So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
