god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making