i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"