allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.