i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.