I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
