all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just wanna be euthanized