When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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