i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you win again, gameday.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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