No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
