WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
