The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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