hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish you could order shots online.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
