i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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